im sober, im working, and im probably the most depressed ive been. atleast when i was drinking i had something to come home too.
shes all dressed up, it was -3 when we got back. im really glad she is doing good in the cold. my buddy wants to go tomorrow with his dogs too, but i really dont like my dog around the one female he has. shes nasty. i ordered new snowshoes and im gonna try to adapt the bindings from those to fit these ones. ive hated the way these strap on since i got them.
laid off from work. atleast i have my buddy. still nothings changed. i might have a tinder date this week? i think
i use tinder for entertainment more than anything because i dont think
im built for that type of dating. i really want romance from friendship.
i feel some kind of pressure because i feel like im getting to old and
my personality is (possibly?) taking a dive from being in my own kinda
world. idk i have a feeling my perspective will change once i put myself into a new position.
well. this is the first time ive really been logged in for a few years. i read all of my previous posts and im actually surprised how little ive changed in time. finding happiness and purpose in life seemed to be my biggest worry after reading through my old “personal” posts. my goal has not changed but ive grown and learned a few things. i realize this feeling of angst is something to be used as a motivational force moving my life forward. without it i will just stall. i used to do everything in my power to avoid this feeling instead of embracing it; facing it head on.
i went down my darkest path to date. trying to numb myself by living my life behind a curtain of alcohol and self isolation.
i checked myself into a rehab back in january. not my proudest moment but i couldnt live much longer that way. 5/29/21
got to my grandparents early for Easter. my grandfather didn’t know i was there and he was in the back playing organ. i just sat and listened for about a half hour.
little did i know that was the last time id get to see him in his house.
i haven’t missed a day of work in 3 years but today idk if i can do it.
got to my grandparents early for Easter. my grandfather didn’t know i was there and he was in the back playing organ. i just sat and listened for about a half hour.
whats the fucking point. make some money and die alone?
